How Mr. Collins proposed to Elizabeth Bennet:

Not long ago, Mary Patricia and I saw a movie based on the Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice. The scenes in which Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth Bennet made us cringe with disgust.

This is what Mr. Collins says in a boorish preamble:

“Almost as soon as I entered the house I singled you out as the companion of my future life. But before I am run away with by my feelings on this subject, perhaps it will advisable for me to state my reasons for marrying-and moreover for coming into Hertfordshire with the design of selecting a wife, as I certainly did.”

Next he offers his reasons:

“My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances (like myself) to set the example of matrimony in his parish. Secondly, that I am convinced it will add very greatly to my happiness; and thirdly-which perhaps I ought to have mentioned earlier, that it is the particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady whom I have the honour or calling patroness.”

One can understand that Mr. Collins is a ridiculous character whose actions and speech are deliberately inserted in the novel to bring about the much needed comic relief. But Mr. Collins isn’t joking-he is quite serious!

And speaking of seriousness, we find that the most serious character of the entire cast, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, uses the same boorish and unromantic marriage proposal; a proposal even more despicable than that of the loathsome Mr. Collins.

How Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth Bennet

Again, a boorish preamble:

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire you.”

Next he offers his reasons. The exact words may have been too painful for the readership of the times; and in good sense the author has the narrator to intimate them only. Instead the narrator tells us about Darcy’s expectations:

“He [Mr. Darcy] concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavors, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he said this, she could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security.”

When Elizabeth rebuffs him with a scathing speech of which the most memorable line is “…and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed to married,” Mr. Darcy instead of making a graceful exit, insists by remarking on his superiority of status, his superiority of connections, and by the vulgarity of Elizabeth’s family members.

Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy’s proposal were insults and affronts rather than honor and homage to the beloved.

Nothing in their speech projects love but coldness and arrogance.

Although I was not quite eighteen years of age when I proposed, I instinctively knew that it is the man’s role to woo the beloved and win her hand in a way that is warm and loving. The man’s speech (proposal) I was sure would have to be clear and filled with ‘you’ and not with ‘me’ or ‘I.’

How I proposed to Mary Patricia:

When we were in between classes Mary Patricia and I would meet either at the sun dial or by the sycamore tree in front of Lewisohn Hall. Without any experience in amorous proposals, and fearful that my nervousness would botch up what could be the most momentous occasion of my life, one afternoon sitting under the old tree I scribbled a few notes on an index card.

Then as if under the spell of a guiding force, as we stood under the sycamore tree, this is what I read to her:

“Since we met, you’ve made me a better student, a better person: kinder and nobler. And I now have a burning desire to succeed in life; not because of me, not because of my family, but because I want you to think of me as a worthy person.

“If I always feel compelled to hold your hand and to put my arms around you, it is because I want to make sure you are human, that you aren’t an angel or a goddess. I cannot imagine the rest of my life without you by my side, for you and your music are everything to me now: when I’m awake I think of you, when I sleep I dream of you, and in my dreams you are my hypnosis, my delirium, and my peace.

Having read my scribbling, and as I got down on one knee, I asked Mary Patricia:

“Will you marry me-will you marry this poor boy from the Andes who was born to love you forever?”

Asking the love of your life to spend the rest of her days with you is not something to be done lightly. The moment, the atmosphere and above all the ring have to be as close to perfect as you can get. The choice of location is not so tricky, the right moment can be fairly tricky but the ring can outfox you completely even if it’s the most expensive one in the shop. As we all know girls like shopping, and when it comes to such a symbolic item as the ring some of them would like to be involved in the choice – even if it means ruining the surprise. A quick look on some fashion, wedding and beauty related forums and communities shows that a large per cent of ladies want to be able to choose their own engagement ring. Some want to be surprised and will be happy with whatever you choose, some will smile and say yes but later ask if they can exchange for something more their style. But my research has shown that the most popular option it seems is for you to take her into a jewelry store, pop the question there and then and let her choose the ring on the spot like in the scene in Tiffany’s from the movie “Sweet Home Alabama”. The downside being that if you had a certain budget in mind it’s just gone out the window… Now not every girl will want to choose her own ring. There is a large proportion who will want you to choose it for them and will wear whatever you give them with unquestionable pride and love.A lot depends on certain elements beyond your control, for example does she have competitive friends who will look straight at ‘the rock’ and comment on its size and value? Does she make a lot of effort picking out her outfits and like to have complete control over how she looks all the time? How do you find out if she wants to be completely swept off her feet or if she wants to pick out her own engagement ring without ruining the surprise and moment when you pop the question?Well there is the proposal in the jewelry store option and there is another which my research has also shown as a popular solution. 2 ways of doing it actually:1.Just buy the diamond and present it to her when you propose – this way she can choose the setting and even exchange it for another one and you still give her something nice, sparkly and expensive. 2.Buy a placeholder ring from somewhere like bidz.com so she can wear something until you both choose the ring of her choice. When I proposed to my girlfriend I got the wrong size ring so we had to take it back to be resized. There was no way to know her ring size without giving the game away and luckily she was more than happy with my choice. So don’t sweat too much over the right ring, give her something be it a diamond or a placeholder then you can go online to some of the sites that let you design your own unique ring and everyone’s happy.