Though more than fifty years have gone by, the magic moment when Mary Patricia came into my life is as fresh as the morning dew, as clear as spring water, and yet just as warm as a mild fever.

In my first semester at Columbia College in New York City, with the pressures of final exams upon me, as I looked for a secluded spot to study I found myself in Avery Hall, where the music practice rooms were located. Mozart’s magical music flowed from one of the rooms; it was the adagio of Piano Sonata No. 12.

Of course I learned that bit of information much later, since in those years -at age 17– I had no idea who Mozart was. Noticing that the pianist was replaying the adagio over and over I sat on the floor right outside the door and listened to it. Two hours later, the budding and determined concert pianist stepped around me, for I was glued to the spot, and gave me a quizzical look.

“I didn’t want to disturb you,” I said. “What is the name of that song you played for two hours?”

“It’s not a song–it’s a sonata, and you’ve been here two hours?”

Blessed be the Lord! Her voice was even sweeter than the music I had just heard. My musical ignorance, my heavy Spanish accent, and my less than imposing appearance must have gained her trust, for from that magic moment on Mary Patricia and I became inseparable lifetime sojourners.

When we were in between classes Mary Patricia and I would meet either at the sun dial or by the sycamore tree in front of Lewisohn Hall. During that year not a single day went by without us meeting and sharing moments of love. Since our financial resources were meager, one good day we discussed the possibility of pooling our assets and in that way make ends meet better. And since in those years, “living together” or “moving in with someone” had not been invented yet, I decided that the solution would be for us to get married.

Without any experience in amorous proposals (being not quite 18), and fearful that my nervousness would botch up what could be the most momentous occasion of my life, one afternoon sitting under the old tree I scribbled a few notes on an index card.

Then as if under the spell of a divine guiding force, as we stood under the sycamore tree, this is what I read to her:

“Since we met, you’ve made me a better student, a better person: kinder and nobler. And I now have a burning desire to succeed in life; not because of me, not because of my family, but because I want you to think of me as a worthy person; worthy of you.

“If I always feel compelled to hold your hand and to put my arms around you, it is because I want to make sure you are human, that you aren’t a vision, an angel, a goddess, or a divinity. I cannot imagine the rest of my life without you by my side, for you and your music are everything to me now: when I’m awake I think of you, when I sleep I dream of you, and in my dreams you are my hypnosis, my delirium, and my peace.

Having read my scribbling, and as I got down on one knee, I asked Mary Patricia:

“Will you marry me-will you marry this poor boy from the Andes who was born to love you forever?”

Today as we enjoy our golden years, three children on their own, and two grandchildren to lavish love and gifts on, I feel that –free will notwithstanding- the touch of an angel nudges us humans in different directions. When Mary Patricia and I discuss the statistics that more than half of the people who get married end up divorcing, we are seized with infinite sadness.

I cannot imagine for one instant life without my beloved partner.

This is a story narrated in first person voice, so I cannot tell you what other people’s feelings, thoughts, and attitudes toward life are. What follows are some of the canons (bringing a token home, consulting your spouse, caring for others, never yelling and always being gentle to a woman, being a 100% provider, and God in our midst) that have guided my life in my marriage.

Given that Mary Patricia likes to eat fruit every day, I made it a point to always bring home an apple, bananas, grapes, or cantaloupes. Of course I knew she went to the market and picked her own fruit. My gesture, though, was more spiritual than nutritional-never come home empty handed.

Early in our marriage I learned that Mary Patricia wished to be consulted in all my decisions, no matter how petty or insignificant. So, I made the promise to myself that not only would I consult with her, but I would over consult.

Over consult I did. Except for that one time when I impulsively bought her a second piano. Not that she wasn’t appreciative, but she let me know that had she been consulted she would have told me that she was pregnant with our third child and that it was time to save rather than to spend. And then Mary Patricia dropped the other shoe:

“With three children to support and put through Barnard College, you need to earn more money,” she said.

Having already two girls, she was looking forward to a third one. “Barnard? Why not Columbia College?” I asked, sounding like the ever macho-man from South America.

At that point in my career (30 years ago) I had been promoted to corporate controller and was earning a little under $100,000 a year. To my accountant’s mind, that was a pretty good darn amount. And I considered myself a good provider. Yet hubris overcame my good sense and for a couple of weeks I chewed on the cud of resentment at the implication that I wasn’t earning enough money.

Then one good day, Mary Patricia noticing my moodiness, said, “Money making will come easily to you when you think of those about you-not yourself. Think about it. I say this because of what I know about your own father.”

Indeed, when I was growing up my father had drilled into my head two of his favorite sayings: ” … when you go to a woman, think that you are touching the petal of a rose; never hurt her, never yell at her-or the bloom with fade.” “A man is only half-man if he provides half for his family and half for himself. Think of others and you’ll receive in multiples of tens and hundreds-if not thousands.”

That did it! I had been thinking of my own wonderful self and not of my loved ones. So I told Mary Patricia I would give up my job and I would become an investment banker. Without hesitation she agreed. That same day she went to the Coliseum Bookstore (Columbus Circle, long gone by now) and purchased all the necessary textbooks for me to study and pass the registered representative exams.

That evening she handed me the books and I handed her a colorful dish of juicy, sweet, diced cantaloupe, honey dew, and water melon–all laced with Merlot. To cap the evening she played for me the Mozart’s adagio that had sent chills up my spine that fated day when I saw her for the first time. What did I see in her? Did I see the face of an angel, or the face of my mother whom I had left behind to come to this country? God only knows. If every man has an ideal image, the blueprint of a perfect woman, Mary Patricia was and is my “imago.”

Today Mary Patricia no longer plays the piano, for her arthritis has invaded her legs and arms. From her debut at Lincoln Center’s Alice Tully Hall to her final concert at Carnegie Hall, I never missed one of her concerts. And like a mail carrier nothing – Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night – stayed me. Fame and glory fade, but in my heart Mary Patricia’s accomplishments grow and glow stronger with the passing days. With what relish her final concert reverberates in my body, the echoes of the standing ovation and “bravas” filling my soul with joy. The following day, a critic from NY Times, called her reading of Brahms’ Piano Quintet “a boon from God.”  How proud I was of my lovely wife whom I saw not as the boon from God for one day, but for a lifetime!

God smiled on Mary Patricia, and that smile spilled over to me, for the good Lord made me an even bigger provider, for my career blossomed and I retired a successful investment banker. We’ve sent our children to Ivy schools, have college funds for the grandchildren, and we live in a grand neighborhood with fine neighbors. Mary Patricia -a child of an old patrician wasp family from Boston– reassures me that she married up when she married me – “a poor immigrant boy from the Andes.”

Last Sunday after church we went to the street fair on Madison Avenue, not far from where we live on Park Avenue. To tell the truth, I can’t think of a better way to spend a gorgeous glorious afternoon in New York City than at a street fair.

And I pushed Mary Patricia’s wheel chair -an old fashion chair, for she can’t operate a motorized one– the whole length of the fair-all twenty blocks.

How Mr. Collins proposed to Elizabeth Bennet:

Not long ago, Mary Patricia and I saw a movie based on the Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice. The scenes in which Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth Bennet made us cringe with disgust.

This is what Mr. Collins says in a boorish preamble:

“Almost as soon as I entered the house I singled you out as the companion of my future life. But before I am run away with by my feelings on this subject, perhaps it will advisable for me to state my reasons for marrying-and moreover for coming into Hertfordshire with the design of selecting a wife, as I certainly did.”

Next he offers his reasons:

“My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances (like myself) to set the example of matrimony in his parish. Secondly, that I am convinced it will add very greatly to my happiness; and thirdly-which perhaps I ought to have mentioned earlier, that it is the particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady whom I have the honour or calling patroness.”

One can understand that Mr. Collins is a ridiculous character whose actions and speech are deliberately inserted in the novel to bring about the much needed comic relief. But Mr. Collins isn’t joking-he is quite serious!

And speaking of seriousness, we find that the most serious character of the entire cast, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, uses the same boorish and unromantic marriage proposal; a proposal even more despicable than that of the loathsome Mr. Collins.

How Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth Bennet

Again, a boorish preamble:

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire you.”

Next he offers his reasons. The exact words may have been too painful for the readership of the times; and in good sense the author has the narrator to intimate them only. Instead the narrator tells us about Darcy’s expectations:

“He [Mr. Darcy] concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavors, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he said this, she could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security.”

When Elizabeth rebuffs him with a scathing speech of which the most memorable line is “…and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed to married,” Mr. Darcy instead of making a graceful exit, insists by remarking on his superiority of status, his superiority of connections, and by the vulgarity of Elizabeth’s family members.

Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy’s proposal were insults and affronts rather than honor and homage to the beloved.

Nothing in their speech projects love but coldness and arrogance.

Although I was not quite eighteen years of age when I proposed, I instinctively knew that it is the man’s role to woo the beloved and win her hand in a way that is warm and loving. The man’s speech (proposal) I was sure would have to be clear and filled with ‘you’ and not with ‘me’ or ‘I.’

How I proposed to Mary Patricia:

When we were in between classes Mary Patricia and I would meet either at the sun dial or by the sycamore tree in front of Lewisohn Hall. Without any experience in amorous proposals, and fearful that my nervousness would botch up what could be the most momentous occasion of my life, one afternoon sitting under the old tree I scribbled a few notes on an index card.

Then as if under the spell of a guiding force, as we stood under the sycamore tree, this is what I read to her:

“Since we met, you’ve made me a better student, a better person: kinder and nobler. And I now have a burning desire to succeed in life; not because of me, not because of my family, but because I want you to think of me as a worthy person.

“If I always feel compelled to hold your hand and to put my arms around you, it is because I want to make sure you are human, that you aren’t an angel or a goddess. I cannot imagine the rest of my life without you by my side, for you and your music are everything to me now: when I’m awake I think of you, when I sleep I dream of you, and in my dreams you are my hypnosis, my delirium, and my peace.

Having read my scribbling, and as I got down on one knee, I asked Mary Patricia:

“Will you marry me-will you marry this poor boy from the Andes who was born to love you forever?”

When proposing marriage, there are seven common courtesies you should always remember, I call these courtesies, marriage proposal etiquette.

1. First and foremost, the most important courtesy is also the most obvious…Always! and I mean Always! purchase an engagement or marriage  ring before proposing. This act shows your bride to be that you are thoughtful, classy, responsible and seriously ready to commit exclusively to her.

2. Aquaint yourself with the brides parents and get their blessing. This may sound old-fashioned or like funny marriage advice, but doing this is a surefire way of gaining her parents favor and love.

3. A well thought out plan is one of the principles of success, as a rule of thumb, make sure you plan out exactly how your going to propose to your future wife.

4. Timing is everything,when proposing marriage to your bride to be, always do it in a place where the both of you are mentally and emotionally comfortable, and relaxed. Proposing marriage in the hustle and bustle of the day or when either one of you is mentally drained would not be advantageous for you.

5. Another key to successful engagement etiquette is communication, be certain that marriage is something that the both of you truly desire and have communicated to be a future goal in your lives.

6. Remember to make this a private moment for just the two of you, never propose at another person’s event, (such as birthday parties, wedding receptions, etc.). It is important to give everyone’s special moment the same care and respect that you would give your own.

7. Make sure that you have tied up all loose ends or brought closure to all past relationships. There is nothing more confusing or chaotic than a third party in your relationship. When proposing marriage, you owe it to yourself and  to your future wife to start off on a clean, drama free slate.

Follow these seven tips and your bride to be will forever know, that on her proposal day, you were the one who showed gentleness, thoughtfulness and love.

Proposal marriage ideas that leave a lifetime impression.Popping the big question can be a hard decision for anyone, and once you’ve decided to do it, the next big question is how do you go about it in the right way. You want to make sure you do it in a way that she will never forget, but at the same time, you don’t want to make a fool of yourself either.

What is the best way to start off a new life joined with another?

Make an impression that shows you care about her true feelings and desires, show her that the little things that are important to her are part of your thoughts and feelings too. Don’t take a chance of blowing this, as you may not get another chance to show her how much you care and that you truely want to spend the rest of your life with her.

The best way to be able to do this is to pay attention to what she says and does. Marriage is the union of two people into one, and when you are ready to merge your life with someone elses, making sure that your marriage proposal leaves a lasting impression is extremely important.

Proposal of marriage, in most cases is more important than your actual wedding and if you don’t think so then think about this. Ever noticed that whenever someone (like parents) talks about when the got married to their children, they always start talking about ” I can remember when your dad proposed to me” or ” I remember when your dad asked me to marry him”. 

It is seldom that they actually start off by talking about the day they got married, because the proposal is just as (if not more) important than the wedding itself.

Just like on TV, every now and then, some news anchor proposes to his girl on the air, or in some gameshow, some guy decides to pop the big question to his girl in front of a live audience.

Why?… Because it is the excitement of him having the nerve to do it, and the suspense of whether or not she will accept it. 

So, if your thinking about popping the big question but are needing some proposal marriage ideas, there tons of ways to do it, but make sure you do it the right way as this will be one of the most important days of her life… Don’t blow it.